I wanted to start it on the dance floor. I don’t know why, I just did.
I wanted to start it twirling, and yes, tripping over my own feet trying to find the beat.
I wanted loud music and dim lights; to move in tune with something other than the racket in my mind.
I didn’t care that it fell on a Tuesday. I didn’t care that it might rain. I didn’t care that we were no longer teenagers and had to work the next day.
But the day neared and no-one signed up for it… My invitations didn’t find a single yes. Instead, I received carefully packaged excuses, long-winded reasons wrapped in blushing reds, and friendly suggestions that made more sense for semi-functional adults like ourselves.
“I can do Thursday, it’s a date!”
“I’m free Friday, let’s talk then.”
“I’d love to swing by on Saturday and celebrate.”
I contemplate the notion of going by myself. Is it sad or is it brave?
You never know until you try, I head out with a cautiously optimistic stride. It’s awkward at first, I don’t really know what to do with myself. I assume it’ll be better when the band starts to play.
I put away my phone and join the line at the bar. I’m casually looking around, when I feel a pair of arms wrap around me tight.
“Camiiii!” my hugger exclaims.
“I’m not Cami,” I start to say, but before I manage to fully form the words, she turns me so that she’s looking right at me, and I’m looking at her: this perfect stranger.
She squints her eyes, cocks her head and realizes her mistake: “Oh wait! Sorry! I thought you were someone else.”
This happens several times. I start to wonder if there’s a hidden camera.
If I’m crazy.
If they’re crazy.
If this is the year, I finally meet my doppelgänger or secret twin. So many childhood books had secret twins. But I never see her. The elusive Cami never appears.
The people who hugged me, now see me and tipsily smile, drunkenly wave and introduce me to the rest of their friends “this is not Cami!” they proclaim.
The band plays and I dance with Cami’s friends.
On this day that I expected to feel a little lonely, I didn’t feel lonely at all. The universe magnanimously gifted me hugs from random dancing strangers and not-Cami had an unexpectedly fun birthday.
